How to make better decisions: a step-by-step way to choose

How to make better decisions: step by step

Work through these in order. You can do the whole thing in an evening for a small choice, or spread it over days for a big one.

1. 1Name the decision and the deadline. Write it as a question: 'Should I take the new job?' Then say when you need to decide by. A choice with no deadline can stay open for months.
2. 2Widen the options. Write down at least three, even if two seem silly. Research on organisational decisions (Nutt, 1999) linked failed decisions to managers who limited the search for alternatives. It was not about personal choices, but a second or third option is worth looking for. Ask 'What else could I do?' and 'What if I did a bit of both?'
3. 3Know what matters. Write the three to five things this choice needs to get right for you, such as money, time with family, growth, security or health. If you are not sure what matters most, the core values worksheet can help.
4. 4Compare the options. For each one, note what it gives you and what it costs against what matters. Keep it short: a few words per cell.
5. 5Check your gut. Imagine you have chosen each option. Notice whether you feel relief, dread, excitement or flatness. Your feelings are not an answer, but they are information about what you want.
6. 6Test small if you can. Try a version of the option before committing: talk to someone who does the job, visit the town, do a trial month. A small test can show you something a list cannot.
7. 7Decide and set a review date. Choose, tell someone, and put a date in your diary to ask 'How is this going?' A choice you can review is easier to make.

The decision matrix template lays out steps 2 to 4 on one page, so you can see the options side by side.

Common decision traps

These are patterns worth watching for in yourself. They are plain observations, not tested findings.

• Only one option: you are choosing between 'yes' and 'no' to a single thing. Ask what a third path might look like.
• Sunk cost: you keep going because of what you have already put in, such as time, money or effort. Ask 'If I were starting today, would I choose this?'
• Deciding when you are exhausted or upset: a bad day makes every option look worse. If the deadline allows, sleep on it and look again.
• Asking too many people: each person gives you a different answer, and your own voice gets lost. Ask one or two people who know you and the situation, and ask them what they see, not what you should do.
• Waiting for certainty: no one can know how it will turn out. Decide with what you have, then adjust.

Big life decisions

Choices about work, where to live or a relationship are bigger because they are hard to undo and they touch your whole life. Give them more time, more options and more testing. Talk to people who have made a similar choice. Try to separate what you want from what you think you should want.

If the decision is about leaving someone who frightens or controls you, talk to a domestic abuse helpline first (England 0808 2000 247, Scotland 0800 027 1234, Wales 0808 80 10 800, Northern Ireland 0808 802 1414, US 1-800-799-7233). In danger, call 999 (UK) or 911 (US).

If you are thinking about the longer picture, the life plan template helps you see what you want across your life. If the decision is about work, the guide to career change at 40 covers the questions to ask first.

When you can't decide

If you have done the steps and still cannot choose, try one of these:

• Shrink the decision: choose the next small step, not the whole path. 'Book a call' is easier than 'change career'.
• Set a time limit: give yourself until Friday, then pick the option you lean towards.
• Ask 'What would I regret not trying?' and 'What can I undo?' Some choices can be reversed, and that makes them lighter.
• Flip a coin and watch your reaction when it lands. If you feel relief or disappointment, that tells you something.
• Accept that two options may both be good. If so, either can work, and what you do after choosing matters as much as the choice.

If you often avoid choices, the guide to stopping overthinking may help.

When to get more support

Sometimes the trouble is not the decision. If anxiety or low mood makes every choice feel impossible, even small ones like what to eat, or if you cannot think clearly for weeks, talk to your GP. You deserve real support, and low mood can make even small choices feel very hard.

If you are struggling to cope or have thoughts of harming yourself, contact a crisis line now: Samaritans on 116 123 (UK and Ireland), 988 (US), or find a line in your country at findahelpline.com.