How to relax your mind and body

Why is it so hard to relax when you are stressed?

Stress prepares your body to deal with a threat. Your muscles tighten, your breathing gets quicker and shallower, and your attention narrows onto whatever is worrying you. That response is useful in a short emergency. It is not much use when the pressure is a full inbox at 10pm.

Phones and news keep your mind busy, feeding it new things to react to, so it may not get a clear gap to settle. Trying to stop a worry by force may also keep it in view. If your mind keeps looping, how to stop overthinking goes into that pattern.

One way in is through your body and your surroundings rather than through argument with your thoughts. Slow your breathing, soften your muscles, and reduce what is coming in. See whether your thoughts settle after that.

Ways to relax your mind and body

Try one or two of these when you are already fairly calm, so they feel familiar when you need them. You only need one that works. Stop if an exercise brings back memories, panic or a feeling of unreality: ground yourself, and talk to a GP or therapist about it. Chest pain or trouble breathing means call 999 (UK) or 911 (US), or NHS 111 if you're unsure.

1. 1Slow your breathing. Sit or lie somewhere comfortable. The NHS suggests breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth, slowly and steadily, for at least five minutes. A longer out-breath than in-breath is fine if that feels natural. Do not force big breaths.
2. 2Release your muscles one group at a time. Starting with your feet, tense a muscle group for a few seconds, then let go and notice the difference. Move up through your legs, stomach, hands, arms, shoulders and face.
3. 3Do a body scan. Lie down and move your attention slowly from your toes to your head, noticing each area without trying to change it. Where your mind wanders, bring it back gently.
4. 4Take a short walk. Go outside if you can, at an easy pace, and look at what is around you rather than at your phone. Even a few minutes away from your desk counts.
5. 5Have a warm shower or bath. Warmth on your skin gives your attention something simple to rest on. Keep your phone out of the room.
6. 6Build a wind-down routine for sleep. Choose a regular time, dim the lights, and do something quiet and the same each evening: a stretch, a book, a warm drink without caffeine. A routine tells your body that the day is ending.
7. 7Reduce what is coming in. For a set time, turn off notifications, close the tabs, mute the news and lower the noise and light around you. Give your mind a clear gap with nothing new to react to.

If you feel dizzy or light-headed while breathing slowly, stop and breathe normally. The same goes for the body scan or any other exercise here: stop if it brings back memories, panic or a feeling of unreality, ground yourself, and talk to a GP or therapist. Chest pain or trouble breathing means call 999 (UK) or 911 (US), or NHS 111 if you're unsure. If you have a medical condition that affects your breathing, heart or muscles, or you are pregnant, check with your GP before trying breathing or muscle exercises that feel uncomfortable.

Which method suits which moment?

These are starting points, not rules. A free worksheet or script goes with several of them.

• Tense, with tight shoulders or jaw: slow breathing, then the progressive muscle relaxation script, which talks you through each muscle group.
• Lying awake, body restless: the body scan script, or a wind-down routine. If sleep is the main problem, a sleep diary shows you what is helping and what is not.
• Racing thoughts: the mindfulness worksheet, or noticing your senses with the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding worksheet.
• Run down, with no time for yourself: a short walk, a warm shower and some quiet time, planned on the self-care worksheet.
• Overloaded by everything arriving at once: reduce what is coming in, then pick one method from above.

If you want other quick ways to come back to the present when you feel overwhelmed, see grounding techniques.

Common mistakes when trying to relax

• Waiting until you are at breaking point. Practise when you are only mildly tense so the method is familiar.
• Trying too hard. Effort is the opposite of what you want. Let your attention drift and gently bring it back.
• Judging it after one go. Some methods feel strange or even uncomfortable at first. Give each a few tries, unless it makes you panicky or brings back memories: stop and try another.
• Reaching for a screen as your only wind-down. Scrolling can feel restful but keeps your mind taking things in.
• Using relaxation to avoid a problem. Settling yourself helps you think, but the cause may still need dealing with afterwards.

Does relaxation actually work?

Some of it has research behind it, and some is simply sensible. A 2018 systematic review (a study that gathers and assesses all the research on a question) by Andrea Zaccaro and colleagues looked at slow breathing in healthy adults, meaning fewer than 10 breaths a minute. It linked slow breathing with feeling more relaxed and comfortable, and with less anxiety and reduced arousal (less arousal means the body is in a lower state of high alert). Those were healthy people, not people with an anxiety disorder.

For relaxation training more widely, a 2008 meta-analysis (a study that combines the results of many studies) by Gian Mauro Manzoni and colleagues looked at relaxation training for anxiety, including progressive muscle relaxation. It found a reduction in anxiety. But it combined trials of different quality, and some studies had nothing to compare against, so it cannot say how much of the change came from relaxation itself.

No study tests a warm shower, a walk or a wind-down routine on its own as a way to relax. There is less evidence for them. They are offered because they are low-risk to try, and your own experience is the test.

When to get more support

Relaxation is a skill for ordinary stress. See your GP if tension, sleeplessness or worry are with you most days, if you cannot relax however much you try, or if they are getting in the way of work, relationships or looking after yourself. Chest pain or trouble breathing means call 999 (UK) or 911 (US), or NHS 111 if you're unsure. Constant tension can be a sign of anxiety, burnout or another problem that deserves proper help, and there are treatments that work. Signs of burnout can help you tell whether that is what you are dealing with.

Thoughts like these are serious: wanting to harm yourself, or feeling that others would be better off without you. If you are having them, please put safety first and reach out now. Call Samaritans free on 116 123 (UK and Ireland), call or text 988 (US), or find a line in your country at findahelpline.com. The page at selfgrowth.org/help lists more. If you are in immediate danger, call 999 (UK) or 911 (US), or NHS 111 if you are unsure.